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Dreaded Feelings

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I stormed up the steps of the house and banged hard on the door, my fist beating against the white wood. The door swung open and Mason was standing in the entryway, looking the way he always did- tall, dark hair, matching eyes, and a decent build.


“Jasper?” he began. “Why are you-?”


“Where is she?” I said abruptly.


“Whoa, hey,” he hissed. “You can’t just-”


“WHERE IS SHE!?” I yelled.


Suddenly, a small cracked voice sounded from behind him. “J-Jasper?”


I looked into the house. There she was, lying on the couch, wrapped in blankets…


I pushed past Mason, ignoring his complaint and sulked into the room. Sitting next to her, I could see her state had worsened. Her hair was black and matching bags hung low under her eyes. Her lips were near blue color, and were cold. Her cheeks were colder, however, as I caressed her face.


“Oh god…” I said, frowning at her.


She laughed, touching my hand. With a deep inhale, she turned towards the ceiling. “This…this wasn’t supposed to happen…but…you know…I told you…both of you,” she added, angling her head so both of us were in her sight.


Mason sighed and nodded but I said nothing. All I could think was that there would be no more her, no more us, no more happy, no more joy…just nothing. Nothing would follow, like a hellhound behind the horsemen of death…


I gripped her hand tight and held it to my heart.


“Your heart…” she said. “Jasper…it’s beating fast…why?”


“Fear?” I replied quickly. “Or…maybe sadness…”


“I’m scared…” she said, and I frowned. “But my heart’s not like that…at first I was upset…I would have to leave…leave this world…but now…I have to accept these things…”


We both called out her name in unison in that moment. I didn’t even bother to turn around. She was the only thing of my priority right now…


And then it happened. She smiled at me and beckoned me down towards her. She kissed me, and then beckoned Mason over. She kissed him, and though I had moved on a while back, it still tugged on my heart strings…and then, as Mason withdrew…she muttered one last thing, “Love is forevermore…no matter how many times you try to deny it…” And then-


She was gone.


I sat there, her limp hand in my mine and I closed my eyes. Tears ran down my cheeks as Mason cried as well. There was no trying to hide it. We were both men, but there was nothing more powerful than our love for her… I stood, fixing her blanket. I nodded towards Mason and he said, “What’re you going to do now?”


“What’d she want us to do,” I said. “Move on.”


“But I can’t…I can’t imagine getting over her….she was the only girl-”


I cut him off. “She was the only girl you ever truly loved. Yeah, I know,” I wasn’t aware of the own stab and spite in my voice until I said it. “But you can’ live in pain forever…I know I learned how not to, although it took me a while….but still. You can do it, Mason. Like you said, ‘There are plenty of fish in the sea’, right?”


He gulped at this. “That was just for-”


I held up my hand before he finished and waved with it. “See you Mason.”

Playing it cool. It’s what I had always done. All the time. Through rejections and every thing…but as I climbed down those porch steps, and began to walk down the street, I began to cry, these dreaded feelings coming back to haunt me again

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