Some things are just meant to be. But this was definitely NOT meant to be. How could it? I asked myself as I stared at the pale face that lay on the white sheets of the hospital bed.
I was blind to the nurse that came in. I didn't hear her say, "It's time for you to leave." I just sat there on the chair. She tapped my shoulder.
I closed my eyes as tear welled up in them.
I didn't want to leave. He would be gone by the time I came back. And it was all my fault.
If I hadn't agreed to going to the movies with him, he wouldn't have gotten sick so suddenly, right in the middle of Atlanta traffic. Atlanta traffic is the worst. If we hadn't been in the downtown traffic, the ambulance would have gotten through. He would get to the hospital sooner, and I would leave without a second thought. But I was here. And I felt like the one who was going to die.
"Hon? The hospital is closing." The nurse interuptted my thoughts. Suddenly, I started to cry. I think it scared her. She backed out of the room and said, "But you are welcome to a few more minutes", under her breath.
With a last glance at the moniter, I knew it was over. It was done with. I held his hand until it was cold, and the nurse didn't come back in until morning.
As the sun came up, I let out one last sob and lay my head on his chest. I felt weak and dizzy. They never tore me away from him. I never moved again.