I've always hidden myself from everybody. I've gotten pretty good at it, usually no one can notice when I'm depressed....There have only been two exceptions though, and they have been the people I really love, because I could never hold up the act.
I lock my personalities up, keys to my soul. The keys are open only when I want them too. I am careful on how I act in front of certain people. To my friends i'm the friendly, joke-making guy. To people I dislike, I'm heartless. To people I know, I'm just...well normal I guess.
To me...well let's say I don't even know what I am. I've been locking myself up for so long, I've forgotten who I really am.
Only two people I've only opened up to, they..have found a way to understand me more than anyone ever has, even my family members. Both are people I truly love, one is a good friend. I wished we could have been something more, but I've come to realise it's better for us to be friends. It would be too awkward if we were anything esle. Though there will always be some part of my heart that still loves her, that love is only a love a friend would give to the other.
The other, is a person I currently and will forever love. She has chosen to love a person with a broken and scarred heart, that once before was thought to be never be able to love again. I love her for that, and also because no matter how I feel at that time, but just being with her makes me happy.
Despite all this....I feel like the barriers I set up, all the key I put it place, I feel like their breaking in someway. How long can keep this act up?..How long till I finally snap?..
There's almost a maniacal beauty to it. If those barriers finally break, I guess I'll finally find out who I am.
I'm confident I'll say sane. Those barriers can always be repaired....I hope.