My friend here, you see, is very stupid.
And probably a sociopath. Wait, no. Cross out the sociopath. She is not even close to being anti-social. I don't think sociopaths are anti-social, but, whatever. But she is crazy. Just like Typhoid Mary. She was a sociopath. Now, that's another story.
Anyway, as you can see, my friend is a psychopath. And she manages to drag me along into whatever psychopathic plan she has. And no, this is not like Shake It Up. Which is a stupid show I stopped watching right when my brother Bobby said that that red-headed girl was 'hot'. He's six.
I'm a girl, by the way. I just thought I'd say that.
Now, since I don't really feel like rambling on about how stupid my friend Zara is, I'm just going to go right to the story.
Zara plopped onto my couch, eating my Funion rings that I told her were NOT supposed to be in her hands, because they were my sacred Funions.
That was a lie.
I just said that to Zara to see how long her stupidity would strike again. And frankly, that was less than a minute.
"These Funions are good," she said, Funion crumbs coming out of her mouth.
I shrugged. "The Stupidity strikes again," I sighed.
"Nothing." I picked up the remote and switched to tons of channels. "Love the show, hate the episode. Hate the show. Hate the episode. Hate this channel. Hate Shake It Up. I'm too old for this. Hate history. Hate —"
"SCIENCEEEEE!!!" Zara screamed.
I almost jumped off the couch. "WHAT!?!?"
"SCIENCE!" Zara screamed again. "THAT'S IT! ALEX, STAY ON THE SCIENCE CHANNEL!"
"Uh, okay." I put down the remote.
"DESTORY, BUILD, DESTROYYYYYYYYY!!!!!" a man's voice boomed from the TV.
"ZARA!" I screamed. "YOU IDIOT! THIS IS NOT THE SCIENCE CHANNEL! THIS IS CARTOON NETWORK!"
"Oh," Zara replied.
"Yes, oh," I said. "Now, let's change the chan —"
"NOOOOOO!" Zara screamed, crawling up to the TV on her knees. "MY BABY! NO, WE CAN'T LET ALEX DO THIS TO YOU, JIMMY! WE JUST CAN'T!"
Now, you must think I was weirded out, but I wasn't. I was used to this.
"You named my TV after Jimmy, the guy you had a crush on in 2nd grade?" I asked.
"I still have a crush on him, Alex," Zara said.
"Dude, you're telling me you still have a crush on a guy who has a crush on your Mom?"
Zara sniffled. "My Mom is a very attractive woman."
"In your dreams," I replied. "The only men who find your Mom attractive are your Dad and Jimmy."
"Whatever," Zara said. "Let's just watch Destroy Build Destroy. Watching things getting blown up makes me feel good."
So, for the next half hour or so, we watched teens building things, and destroying them with things like dynamite and stuff. After the show was done, Zara turned off the TV by unplugging it. Classic Zara.
I sighed. "What do you want to do now? You just unplugged the TV."
"I can plug it back in!"
"Yeah right. The only person who can do that is my Dad. And he's an electrician. Our TV is very hard to plug."
Just then, the doorbell rang. Me and Zara opened it, and guess who was standing there? Jimmy.
"Hey," he said. "Do you want to go the movies with me, Zara and Alex?" He looked at Zara. "You can bring your Mom."
"Get out, Jimmy," I said, slamming the door. But Zara opened back up, and looked at Jimmy, love-struck.
"Sure, we'd love to go! But my Mom isn't here," she said sadly.
"Uh, actually, I, uh, gotta go —"
Zara grabbed Jimmy by the shirt. "OH NO, MISTER! YOU AIN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE BUT THE MOVIES WITH US!"
Jimmy put his hands together. "Alright, alright! I'll go! Just please, stop choking me!"
Zara smiled sweetly. "Okay!" She dropped Jimmy.
Jimmy scrambled away and out the door while Zara yelled "SEE YOU AT THE MOVIES JIMMY-POO!"
She then grabbed me by my sleeve, singing, "We're goin' to the movies, to the movies! To the — oo, oo, oo, oo, movvvviiiesssss!"
This was not going to turn out good.
It me and about an hour to get ready! Can you believe that? Alex was such a slow poke! I kept asking for her to hurry up, but then she would just yell at me, "It's been only two seconds, Zara! I'm not ready yet!" And frankly, two seconds was one second too long!
But then, finally, Alex was ready. That's when I heard Jimmy knock on the door. And, of course, I ran to go get it. Who wouldn't? When I opened the door, I almost passed out.
Jimmy had his wavy blonde hair sticky out all messy, and he was wearing a his basic green sweatshirt with a pair of simple jeans.
I was heartbroken.
How could he? When you ask someone to go out to the movies, you wear something nicer than that! The appropriate attire is a tuxedo or something like that! You don't wear what you wear almost every day!
"HOW COULD YOU JIMMY?!?" I cried. "I THOUGHT THAT WHEN YOU WOULD ASK ME OUT TO THE MOVIES, YOU WOULD ACTUALLY WEAR SOMETHING NICE! HOW COULD YOU!?!?" I sniffled. "I THOUGHT...YOU WERE BOYFRIEND MATERIAL! BUT YOU'RE NOT THE PERSON WHO I THOUGHT YOU WERE!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?" I asked. "FORGET IT! FORGET THE MOVIES, FORGET YOU, FORGET EVERYTHING!" I slammed the door in Jimmy's face, and then ran into the bathroom. I locked the door, stood inside the shower, and cried.
Just then, I heard an angry knock on the door.
"Go away!" I cried.
"Zara!" the person shouted. "It's me! Alex! Unlock the door!"
I sighed, got out of the shower, and unlocked the door. Then came in an angry Alex.
"ZARA, WHAT THE HAY DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?" she yelled.
I sniffled. "I thought Jimmy was boyfriend material, but I guess he's not —"
"Zara, you're insane!" Alex yelled. She then paused. "Fine, I'm just going to go to the movies with Jimmy myself." She waved her hand over her shoulder and walked out of the bathroom. "Buh-bye," she said, slamming the door.
HOW DARE ALEX! SHE WAS TRYING TO STEAL MY MAN!
I marched out of the bathroom and ran outside the house to catch up with Alex.
"So," she said, "you decided to come?"
"Uh, yeah," I replied. "I'm not going to let you steal my man."
Alex rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Come on, Jimmy's waiting."
I ran up to Jimmy and smiled at him, but he kept his distance. Hm, boyfriend girlfriend problems? Oh well.
After what seemed like a long walk, we finally got into the movie theater.
Once we got inside, we realized it was packed.
"Say, Jimmy," I said, "what movie are we watching?" I grinned. "A romantic one?"
Alex slapped my shoulder and me 'The Look'. It's basically where she narrows her eyes at me, and it looks like she's gonna slap me. That's 'The Look'.
"No," Jimmy replied, "we're going to see 2012."
"How much money do you have for the tickets, Jimmy?" Alex asked.
"Eh...Not much," Jimmy replied. "About...Two bucks."
Alex's eyes almost popped out of her eye sockets.