Once upon a time, there was a random nobody who, by some clerical error, became the king of Atlantis. Tragically, Atlantis sank before his coronation and it got delayed by 3000 years until finally, they fished up the crown and crowned him king of nowhere.
One day, the king of nothing and nowhere was walking down the street and stepped on a lawnmower. "Do you mind?" said the annoyed lawnmower. "YOU FOOL," screamed the king, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" The lawnmower shook his head. "A random jerk." "GOD SAVE THE KING!!" he screamed and a bolt of lightning blew up the lawnmower. The king yawned. "I'm bored," he said, "I'll go bowling."
He went to the bowling alley and he saw a guy eating a sandwich. "FOOL," he yelled, "NO SANDWICHES IN MY KINGDOM!!" A bolt of lightning blasted the guy to the hospital, which was a good place for him to be. After that, the king went bowling and lost, so he arrested the winner and the bowling ball and yelled "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!" Suddenly, a woman screamed. "Fool," she snarled, "THATS MY LINE! I'M THE QUEEN!!" A random choir appeared singing "God Save the Queen." "STUFF IT!" she yelled, "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!" The king drew a sword. "There isn't enough room for the two of us in my nonexistent kingdom," he yelled, "EN GARDE!" The queen drew her sword and they dueled for several weeks and the whole town bet the queen would win, but then a random lady tripped and touched the queen's foot. "OFF WITH HER HEAD," yelled the queen, and so the queen by some terrible mistake was dragged off and beheaded. Twelve years later, the guy who made the mistake publicly apologized and was killed by a stray tomato. In tge meantime, though, the whole town went bankrupt and the king used the money to open a chain of Irish restaurants for no reason. However, he accidentally hired a bunch of Italian waiters and he had half of them beheaded. However, one was angry because he lost a ton of money on the queen and he was one of the waiters who got fired, so he decided to break into the king's hose to steal money.
Sidescroll… House, not hose.
Sidescroll… CHUCK NORRIS IS IMMORTAL
The thief broke into the king's house and found a safe full of gold bars and he stole half of them and threw them to his accomplice, who was flattened and killed instantly. The thief put the gold in his car, but the car wouldn't move an inch. By this time the king woke up and he found half of his gold gone, and he got mad and sent a guard to find the gold. The guard saw the thief shove the gold into a boat which sank and he told the king he found the gold. The king asked where it was. The guard went out and saw the thief draining the river and told the king it was outside. By now, the king was a little miffed and asked the guard where it was outside. The guard saw the thief getting sucked down the drain and said it was outside the house. The king blew him up and saw the thief and blew him up too. Unfortunately, the thief was immortal and he was a wizard, so he yelled "I call shotgun!" and a shotgun magically appeared in his hand and he killed the king. That was the end of the King of Nothing. The thief then took his money and built a gold bank at the bottom of the river, then bought a forklift to steal the other half of the gold. The forklift got crushed, and so the thief screamed and the Earth exploded. For no reason in particular, mind you. Miraculously, after that, in some distant corner of the universe, something somewhere made an ounce of sense. After that, a guy lost his sandwich.
The thief is Chuck Norris, but not really.