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The Legend of the Fried Chicken

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Once upon a time,[1][2] there was a piece of meat. But this wasn't any old piece of meat![3] It's FRIED CHICKEN! But no any fried chicken! It was The Fried Chicken of Stu Pid![4]

Stu Pid is a god-like man that lived several thousand years ago, but then died, came back to life, cut a chicken's head off, and died again. This chicken was later fossilized, and dug up by archeologists a few years ago. The chicken was sold to a chicken place,[5] and then made into a single piece of fried chicken.

The chicken, however, was sacred, and turning it into fried chicken was a dead insult to Stu Pid. The spirits of his army manifested themselves around this piece of fried chicken. They sang a poem:

Those who eat this meat,
Will from us, suffer defeat[6]
We forgot, we hate singing,
So our voice, again you will not hear ringing

The chicken then decided to take a nap. We do not know how fried chicken took a nap. Magic powers, I guess. Anyways, the fried chicken woke up, and then grew legs and walked away[7][8] The fried chicken's legs fell off while it was at some guy's house. This guy saw the chicken, and tried to grab it, but then realized it might be a trick, and called the police.

The police arrived, and when the man told them the story they "confiscated"[9] the chicken. They took it back the station, and decided they might as well test it for poison before eating it. It blew up the poison testing machine, which kind of hinted to the police officers that something might not be right...

They called every authority figure they could think of. When the King of Mars[10][11][12][13][14] got there, he blew stuff up. The police shot him, but he's bulletproof, so he fried the police, and stole the fried chicken, because he knew it was magic.

It flew out of the King's spaceship on his trip back to Mars, so it crash-landed in Hawaii. The chicken floated into the air, and the spirits started singing poetry again.

We know we said our singing would die,
But we oh so love to lie!
The person to eat this successfully
A god, they will be...

So, it appears the spirits have changed their mind. If someone eats this chicken, they will become a god. Now, that's something, isn't it?[15] Back to the story, nobody saw that chicken for three years after that.[16]

Then, some guy grabbed the chicken, ignored the three years worth of dirt, mud, grime, filth, and much on it, and swallowed it whole. He became a god.

Now, for the story about this guy! Oh, I'm sorry, it looks like we're out of time. I guess we'll never know what happened after this![17]




















[18]











[19]











[20]



FootnotesEdit

  1. CHEESY STORY BEGINNING ALERT!
  2. Yup, I still use pointless footnotes in my stories!
  3. It wasn't? Oops. *spits meat out*
  4. Wait... are we talking about the god Stu Pid, or the hobo Stu Pid that lives in the ally?
  5. We can't say the name, because that would be copyright violation. I could give you a hint, or link you to its website, but then I'd be being nice, which goes against my life's meaning.
  6. OH ****! Oops...
  7. WOW! How wonderful! How about ALL food products grow legs and walk away!
  8. For the record, this is a particularly sarcastic set of footnotes.
  9. Meaning, they were hungry.
  10. Hey, I know that guy!
  11. YOU DO NOT!
  12. DO TO!
  13. Shut up!
  14. I really need to stop talking to myself.
  15. I WANT THAT CHICKEN!
  16. REWARD: $INFINITY FOR ANY INFORMATION OR ASSISTANCE LEADING TO THE CAPTURE OF THIS FRIED CHICKEN!
  17. WHAT?! WHAT!?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! ARE YOU WRITERS OUT OF YOUR MINDS?! YOU PEOPLE SUCK! WHO WRITE THIS?! I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER WROTE THIS!
  18. I don't know why this blank space is here.
  19. I guess I just like blank space.
  20. AND FOOTNOTES! I LIKE FOOTNOTES!

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